POETRY

I am no longer young and hungry,

For instead I’ve been devoured

By all I was meant to consume

A shared cigarette

To chase shared champagne

Coral and carmine

In overlapped stains

Muted revelry

Faded worlds away

Two carved silhouettes

Amid stars and haze

The sharp telltale flick

Cupped hand curtail

The pulse of ember

Fathomless inhale

Shared sentiments

of solace and pain

Forgotten details

Saccharine remains

Just a party smoke

Since the wind blew this way

If only for tonight

Just this once, okay.

No stranger to me is Spring’s sweet chicanery

Fleeting and fevered in deluge and dreams,

Nor the way pitch clouds pour over whispered words

And drown out discernment in din and dirge.

Yet glimpses of gaps piped in pyrite persist

To siren souls of the unwise or unfit.

Her familiar façade bears foreign allure,

Novel recurrence with intentions obscured,

And so my heart clings to grandeur or guise,

Reluctant for refuge in the eye of the mind.

To wait in the squall or shelter in the eaves,

If one is more wise it remains to be seen.

I’ll braid your hair if you’d like.

We can sit down by the lake,

Where the world’s a bit quieter,

Where I can concentrate,

And I’ll tuck every twist

Just out of sight

With a delicate hand,

Weave and entwine.

A muse become canvas,

Into you I breathe life.

Wear my touch as a crown

Wherever you desire.

it’s pacing the halls

while staring at the floor.

it’s a couple stains,

of pain no more.

it’s a passing glance,

a hesitant smile.

we’re here for a moment

or here for a while.

it’s minutes and hours

that are only seconds,

timeless days, and

punctuated check-ins.

it’s knocks on doors—

interrupted sleep—

interrupted lives

of souls to keep.

it’s unfamiliar rules

and surrendered rights.

for little victories

over familiar fights.

it’s giving in

to yet march on,

abandoning shame

for a different dawn.

Is this some sort of downward spiral

Or a garden variety crisis of the week?

Am I overreacting like they say

Or is the world ending as I speak?

I’m told trajectory is everything

And velocity is nothing at all

Except speed matters for people like me

En route and positioned to hit a wall

I’ve never been good at physics

So I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt

Maybe if I knew where I was going

I’d understand what they’re talking about

The truth is I haven’t taken the time

To contemplate where life will lead me next

Because at every given opportunity

I sacrifice security for some seconds of rest

I might be on a course for collision

With consequences I’ve long ignored

Or maybe I’m headed for oblivion

Of something and nothing—which is worse?

Would it be better to remain lost

Than find myself far from where I want to be?

Are things better left uncertain

Than resolved relentless to reality?

I’m too scared of confrontation

To be anything but a casualty

Overwrought and written off

By myself into a tragedy

But I guess if we’re being dramatic

My hamartia, this fatal flaw

Is the persistent feeling of apathy

That keeps me from changing at all

I’ve been in a stagnant state of stasis

My energy stifled and stowed away

Overwhelmed by my own indifference

Increasingly every day

I’m left with a handful of hypotheticals

All my dreams at my disposal

Just my musing mind and I

Racing, but I’m immobile

So many things can be seen in this world in between

Should you happen to wander astray

So many things you can find if you’re so inclined

To sort through the shades of gray

Through realms unknown you must walk alone

If you dare undertake the task

Treading swirling seas of varying degrees

To answer what you never thought to ask

Of things closely veiled and concepts curtailed

By the limits of physical domain

Of secrets suppressed and long acquiesced

For the sake of what’s said to be sane

The things that you think when you’re on the brink

Are those only you could design

A swirl of feeling when your mind is reeling

Through territories quite undefined

There are no limits or boundaries explicit

No ground too sacred to tread

No buffer to inhibit visions so vivid

Of far-fetched fantasies fed

You’ll find stories unspoken particularly potent

A nostalgia you don’t recognize

In this world you’re immersed but still free to traverse

Amazing what’s seen with closed eyes

Head high but eyelids heavy

Slow and sluggish and somewhat unsteady

All alarms gone off already

But the outside world is still dark

Rent reveries I cannot recall

Illusions lost upon leaving the lull

Dynamics depressed to default

So this is waking up

A period of pause prolonged

With will to stay withdrawn

Clinging and clutching the calm

As slowly it slips away

A silence severed by sigh

The trance trumped by time

Reluctantly rising upright

The moment it all begins

Sinews strained and stretched

Every fiber far from refreshed

Exhaustion enacts its effect

But regardless I must go

Lethargy’s not lessened by laying

Staleness not stymied by staying

War is not won in waiting

It’s time to be on my way

To want to love is to want to know,

Both selfless and selfish in tandem,

To wander wherever your mind does

Till each worn path becomes familiar.

Which constellations carve out your dreams?

Show me which stars whisper to your whims

When we’re apart but share the same sky,

So we can speak each lonely nightfall.

Grow me a garden maze where I can

Ceaselessly stroll through your twists and turns

And pluck from your prettiest roses,

Unperturbed by the prick of your thorns.

Which rivers run through your bluest veins,

Wearing away at your rocks and sand?

Such depths are those I’d happily tread,

If only to stay in your current.

To pioneer each peak and valley

Is to memorize each rise and fall,

To lie on your chest and want to know

You inside and out any way I can

I have a lot of stories

From places I’ve never been

And countless allegories

Of the things I found within

I followed a broken compass

A map turned upside down

A GPS without a signal

The North Star covered in cloud

I stumbled upon San Francisco

By taking a few wrong turns

I ended up a wreck

And no one seemed concerned

While searching for direction

I lost myself to who I became

It was what I didn’t need

But it’s the city I can’t blame

Raleigh was bustling and busy

There wasn’t enough room for me

I ended up on the outskirts

But was still reluctant to leave

So I set the city on fire

And let myself burn too

I didn’t know how to walk away

From the only place I knew

In a little coastal town

On the western side of France

I struck out on my own

And got stranded alone in Nantes

I tried to surf in the ocean

But I couldn’t break through the waves

My cries were lost in translation

Et puis j’ai été submergé

Phoenix was where I washed up

Wandering with no destination

I clearly didn’t belong there

But it was better than isolation

I was told if I wanted to stay

All I had to do was conform

But it wasn’t in my nature

It was all desert, and I was a storm

Ontario was nice in the spring

While I was a still a mess

It was a place often dark

So I felt welcome nonetheless

When I returned in the winter

The first thing I discovered

Is that it was far too cold

After I’d recovered

New Orleans was full of life

A bright and beautiful masquerade

A contagious joie de vivre

A blue moon escapade

Its lights shone through the fog

Though not everyone understood its charm

I walked away with open eyes

From a city with open arms

The Windy City called my name

When I was just passing through

With the smoothest of silver tongues

And syntax that seemed brand new

What I saw in vibrant color

Was really only gray

And faded before my eyes

Just as I decided to stay

With nowhere else to turn

I revisited familiar roads

Bluegrass beneath my feet

Every which way I strode

If I weren’t so persistent

I’d have given up completely

And passed right by the door

That welcomed me so sweetly

Here was my conclusion

The final chapter to tell

A verse that flowed like music

To a beat that bid farewell

My feet fell still beneath me

With no more need to roam

The journey’s end as finally

A well-travelled heart had found a home